Day 331: The Worst Movie Ever

Okay maybe it wasn't the worst movie EVER, but definitely the worst one I've seen all year.

Whatever you do, DO NOT waste your time and money and energy and valuable brain activity on 'Alexander.'
Dear Lord that was a terrible film!! I had heard that it wasn't very good, but I still wanted to see it anyway, thinking that it would be 'just okay' or something. Wow was I ever wrong. It was pretty excrutiating at times, actually.

For one, despite having an amazing cast (including my Cambodian-child-adopting soul mate Angelina Jolie) the characters are not believable. Each of them have a different accent, even though they're all supposed to be Greek. (Angelina had a Russian accent...huh???) Colin Ferrell has the worst dye job ever. And despite the fact that Angelina plays his Mom, and about 20 years go by in the film, she doesn't age a day and looks exactly the same. Wow, who knew they had botox back in 323 BC?

Mainly, the movie is just plain boring. I found myself totally daydreaming all throughout the film cause I was so bored, when suddenly I'd realize where I was and snap back to it, determined to try and keep focus on the film. And the movie goes on FOREVER. Conquest after conquest, long arduous hike over some other unknown mountain chain while leading his disillusioned cranky troops after another, hot air melodramatic pep talk/speech/attempt-at-motivating-the-troops spiel after another.... Seriously, after the second hour I was like "just die already, damn Alexander!"

The movie finally ends and you really just don't care at that point. You're numb and quivering from bad blond hair/bad rhetorical speech Colin Farrell overdose, and angry that you've lost three hours of your life that you just ain't ever gonna get back. I went and saw the movie with my buddy Luke and he was actually quite angry over the film! He disliked it even more than I did. We had a good bitch session about it later over dinner and comfirmed, over and over, that yeah we really did not like that film at all.

So yeah, there's my two cents worth of cinematic review for the season. Don't go see Alexander. Please.