Day 270: Retrospective 2002

Here's a sample of my life in November of 2002. MUCH different than where I am now (both physically/location-wise, as well as emotionally and head-space wise.)


November 24, 2004

Love is an illusion.
Love is a lie.
Love is a misleader.
Love is a deceiver.
Love is a cheat.
Love is a phony.
Love is a mask.
Love is a thief.
Love is an assasin.
Love is a cruel joke.
Love is evasive.
Love is fleeting.
Love is untangible.
Love is false.
Love is hurting.
Love is pain.
Love is sorrow.
Love is bitterness.
Love is sick.
Love is, never was, and never will be real.
Love is death.


November 27, 2002

"Isn't anyone trying to find me? Won't somebody come take me home? It's a damn cold night, trying to figure out this life. Won't you take me by the hand, take me somewhere new. I don't know who you are but I'm with you." - Avril Lavigne - "I'm With You"

I'm not a very happy boy these days. It seems like I've lost my grip on everything in my life and now I'm just stuck here floating in an empty void, going absolutely nowhere. No love. No money. No opportunities in sight.

On top of all this, I'm not going home for Christmas this year. :-( Delany's won't give me the time off so I'll be here in BC. At least I won't be totally alone - Barb and Tom can't go home either. Still, it'll be my first Christmas ever not with my family. It'll be hard but I'm going to try and keep myself busy so I don't think about it too much.

Keeping myself busy is going to be hard cause I'm so fucking bored these days. I'm getting shit for hours at Delany's and so I have way too much free time on my hands. I need to find a new hobby or a new job or start fucking exercising more or something. And working at the firm seems like light years away...nothing in the near future is going to be happening there. Maybe nothing at all?

I feel like I'm trying so hard to change my life and move forward and grow, but my feet are glued to the floor. Everything I've tried these past 6 months have gone nowhere. It's like life is stuck on pause and the batteries in the remote control are dead. And every time I try to get off the couch to push play, I hit another invisible glass wall. I need to do something to shake everything up, but don't know what. I'm feeling very despaired and frustrated with life. Why does everything have to be so hard? For once I want something to come a little easier for me! How does a person keep their morale up with all of these closed doors and dead ends? Beats me...