Better Than Chocolate

Oh you gotta love those wacky Czech holiday traditions. They're fantastic! Devoted readers of the blog will remember me recounting the winter holiday season tale of Miklaus, the Santa-esque bearded man who travels to Prague with angel and devil in tow to delight/frighten/reward children. It was an interesting twist on a familiar holiday month, and one I greatly enjoyed observing.

Well there's a new holiday in town now, and he's even more hilarious than his December cousin - Easter!

The Czechs have gotta have the best holiday traditions ever, anywhere. Easter here is as much fun for the adults, if not more, than for the children. There's no Easter bunny to be spoken of (although chocolate Easter bunnies are sold in all of the metro stations) but once you hear of how Easter is celebrated you won't even miss the chocolate.

On Easter Monday it is tradition for all the boys in the village or town to gather up willow tree branches and fasten them into a whip. (Yes, you know where this is heading, let your imagination run wild now...) I imagine these whips are assembled perhaps a few days prior to the Monday, but I've been told that "seven or eight" branches are enough to make the best whip. Something thin yet firm, flexible yet with a real good *snap* in it. Along rivers is also apparently the best place to find these nubile willows. It's then fashionable to fasten a few pieces of torn colourful cloth to the end of this whip. Something to add a little pizazz, a little flair, a little 'chante chante' if you will, and make sure you tie that cloth on firmly as that whip's about to have a real busy day...


Oh yes, that whip will be busy indeed. Oh baby...

On Easter Monday morning the boys and men of the village go around and knock on each and every household door in town. If a man answers the door, then they demand to see the women of the house. These women must be presented, and when they are, they are spanked promptly and firmly, with zest and vigor, on their ripe rosy bottoms. Yes, you read correctly, they are SPANKED! SCORE!!!

And the best part of the deal is that not only can the women not refuse their annual beating, but rather than protest or resist or fight back, the women reward their spankers! For the children it's usually in the form of chocolate, but sweets won't do for the big boys, so instead they're given shots of alcohol. Yes, that's right, the women get spanked and then give the men a present! DOUBLE SCORE!!!

It's no surprise then, that after a few households (and a few shots,) the spankers become even more enthusiastic, and by the midday the men of the village are all completely drunk (and the children are running loops up the wall with all the sugar they've consumed.) Yes, it's great fun had by all. BY ALL.

Now there are a few variations of this tradition. In some places, the women are allowed to fight back after 12 noon, arming themselves most often with a bucket of cold water. So let me get this straight, in one single day one can enjoy chocolate, spanking, non-stop shots, and continuous water fights? Now *this* sounds like a party! Why aren't I Czech? Where can I sign up?

Back in the olden days the men had only basic whips, and if the woman they've just spanked fancies them, she'd rip a piece of her dress off and give it to the man, who'd then tie it to the end of his whip. The guy at the end of the day with the most strips on his whip would be like the Town Stud or something, and would have his pick of the ladies. And by then he'd be drunk and all the women would be randy from their festive beating so I imagine then it was really, indeed, good times had by all. DAMN.

This tradition still continues today, but sadly only in the smaller town and villages. In the bigger cities, and definitely in Prague, this is something you would not see. *sigh* My students warned me several times not to attempt to spank any random women on the streets of Prague, or I could be met with a slap/bigger beating/police involvement/deportation. *double sigh*

Now I don't know is this little Easter tradition takes place in any of the neighbouring Central European countries, but you have to admit that this is quite possibly the greatest holiday tradition in the history of mankind! (Right boys?) ;-)