Day 217: Trial & Error
If yesterday was a stressful day, then today was a totally shitty day. :-(
I got my reviews in from Chang (our POLY Director) regarding my performance at the Open House Day, and I totally blew it. Much to my surprise, pretty much all the mothers who came to watch strongly disliked what they saw. I had one complaint after another, and apparently none of them had anything positive to say.
I was told that the main complaint was that the Korean mothers thought that the kids were not disciplined enough in the classroom, and that I had 'too personal of a relationship' with the children. I'm not entirely sure what this means, but I was told that I'm too friendly with the kids and need to take on more of a 'stricter teacher role in the classroom.' I pride myself on being close with my kids, and that we can have fun while we all learn together, but I guess that's where the difference between Western and Korean classroom environments begin. As Westerners we're used to classrooms being fairly relaxed and informal, with the teachers being quite flexible and the students having quite a lot of freedom, as long as goals are met and everybody learns. In Korea, I've been told, teachers are quite strict and that all students are expected to behave perfectly at all times and show the teacher the upmost respect. I don't feel that my students disrespect me, but I guess my relaxed and comfortable classroom DOES NOT jive with the Korean Moms.
My shitty review totally made me feel like crap and took the wind right out of my sails. I had been all pleased with how well it went (or so I thought) and here I find out that they hated it. What about the fact that all the students got several chances to speak and write and spell in front of everyone and that they were all enjoying themselves (while obviously have been learning all these months) at the same time? Doesn't that count for anything? I've got some really smart kids in my class, and even the weaker ones had a moment to shine. What about all of that?
I guess maybe I had focused on the wrong areas... I totally feel bad now that I've disappointed my bosses and now all these Moms think I'm a bad teacher or something. It totally sucks, but I've gotta change things around - and fast. In reality POLY is not a 'real' school, per se, but in actuality is a business. The parents pay big bucks to put their kids through prestigious POLY and if the parents are not happy with what's going on at school then they can pull their kids out just like that (example: Eugene.) I have to cater to their wants and demands, cause its the parents who pay my wages.
I just feel like the worst teacher now. Its days like this where I feel like saying "What are you doing, Scott? You're not even a real teacher!" I sometimes feel like a 'fake' as I don't have a degree in education, have had no formal training in teaching or classroom management or marking and grading or lesson planning, and often feel like I'm just making things up as I come along, trial and error. And yesterday was a major error. I enjoy teaching and love all my kids, but its these 'technical teaching things' that I have no experience in whatsoever and its moments like this where I really feel that. Its culture shock being felt right here in the classroom, and its hard not to feel so down and discouraged about it. I want to please both my bosses and all the parents of my students, so I've gotta do whatever it is I've gotta do to make them all happy. I just wish I could figure out exactly what that is...
posted by S2H at 4:45 p.m.
2 Comments:
What is a "real" teacher, anyway?
Mostly anybody who did decently well in an undergrad degree can do a one-year ed program and become a teacher. Does that make them a "real" teacher?
Not necessarily. A "real" teacher in my mind is someone who works hard to make their classroom the best learning environment that it can be. A "real" teacher cares about their students. A "real" teacher can have an unsuccessful lesson and turn around and do it differently the next day. Not everyone with a degree in education is a "real" teacher. Some "teachers" slack and don't put much value in their students' educations. They are just in it for the paycheque and don't really care whether or not anybody ever learns anything. Sadly, these people exist, and claim to be "real" teachers, but I assure you, they are not.
Scott, you are clearly a "real" teacher. You care about your students, you care about your lessons, and you care enough about teaching and learning to make your lessons interactive in order to maximize your students' learning. Sure, cultural differences exist, but you've done the best job you know how, so be proud in that. I'm certainly proud of you. You've overcome a lot of obstacles and jumped through a lot of hoops to get where you are. Don't let *anyone* take that away from you.
I wish we all could be as dedicated and caring as you. Keep smiling.
Love,
Leese
3:51 a.m.
Scotty, don't feel disappointed. Teachers who have gone to school for it don't always feel as confident at you do in your classroom.
What you're experiencing is the same as what any teacher would experience regardless of the school being private or not. Parents will most often think their kid has a bad teacher rather than that their child is lazy or refuses to take responsibility for their own learning. Of course your kids are really young but realistically there is only so much you can do for any child.
Your choice of method of teaching which you mention is to be friendly with your kids is a dangerous one. If you are their friend then you are no longer the authority in the classroom. This is a problem that I have seen in classrooms when I've taught. The teachers that were buddy buddy with their students had no real control in their classroom. The students would walk all over them. Given you are teaching 5 year olds but you need to maintain control of your class and part of that is by showing you are the 'leader' so to speak.
Of course my experience comes from highschool so it is slightly different. In a highschool classroom the biggest mistake you can make as a teacher is to allow your students to think you're their friend. In actuality you're not. You are there to facilitate their learning and you are responsible for this. You can't be their friend because friends make allowances for their friends mistakes or misbehaviour. You can't make allowances for those things.
But you are a far better teacher from what I've heard than most. I've seen some horrible teachers in my experience and at least you have the enthusiasium and passion for it. Most of the ones here don't have that. And believe me that really there is no 'formal' training they can give to make someone a good teacher. You either are or you aren't. So remember you already have 90% of what you need.
3:14 p.m.
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