Day 170: Wonderfully Wicked Wal-Mart

So I was pleasantly surprised to find out that there's a Wal-Mart near where I live here in Ilsan. Okay, not that I was actually *surprised* (Wal-Mart has stores in countries all over the world) but it's nice to know that there is one close by. I had never actually seen it before, so today I decided to step out into the furnace (aka: outdoors in Korea) to go and find it.

I have a love-hate relationship with Wal-Mart. I tended to avoid the ones in Canada. They're always ridiculously crowded, and full of white trash teen mothers pushing screaming children in strollers, deadbeat crackhead teen kids causing shit and trying to find ways to maintain their clepto lifestyles, and derelict senior citizens who move *so slowly* they might just actually be moving backwards down the aisle. Haha, that was all unnecessarily harsh, I know, but I just wanted to paint for you a clear mental picture. Can you see it now?

But damn that sneaky Wal-Mart, they're just so frickin' handy and convenient! Where else can you get like *everything* that you need for your house, all at dirt-cheap third-world child-slave-labour-sweatshop rock bottom prices? They've got you covered, and damn they know right where to hit you! 60 rolls of toilet paper for two dollars? I'm SO there! Hell that's enough toilet paper to wipe my ass for the next decade, but god dammit I really do wanna buy that much toilet paper! Consumerists of the world, unite a la Wal-Mart!

On my way to the Ilsan Wal-Mart I had no idea what to expect. Was it going to be like the ones back home? (the two that come to mind, cause I've spent the most time in them, is Thunder Bay's Wally World, and the one at Burnaby's Lougheed Mall back in me and Barbie's domestic suburban days.) Or was it going to be totally Korean, complete with squid and kimchi samples at the end of every aisle?

Turns out that whether you're in Ilsan or Indianopolis, every Wal-Mart is always perpetually crowded! All department/grocery stores in Korea are always insanely busy, but this Wal-Mart brought a whole new meaning to the concept of Grocery Aisle Road Rage. Luckily I was feeling especially patient today (maybe I'm ill?) and gently nudged my way through the sea of Koreans, like an 18th Century tall ship sailing into Boston Harbour. (Wonderfully tall, effortlessly graceful, and sure to draw stares from all on-lookers!)

And oh my, what goodies I found there! Not only did I find toilet bowl cleaner, windex, and Gillette brand Sensitive shaving cream, but I discovered Kraft Dinner imitations, a whole line of Campbell's Chunky Soup (Soup That Eats Like A Meal!) and, bless my lucky stars, BAGELS! Oh, be still my beating heart!

A wave of maddening, sinister, divinely devilish laughter swept over my body, and I went nuts, throwing in all kinds of good shit into my little basket. Oh I packed that basket full, I packed it Real Good! And it loved it! The more I shoved in it the more it begged for...more... And I didn't let it's cries go unanswered, I packed that bitch as full as I could get it, and then still I packed it even more. Muwahahahahaha!!!!

(*insert evil laugh here*)

By the time I bitch-slapped myself back to reality (mainly cause I thought my arm was going to fall off carrying that god damn demanding basket) and ran to the nearest check-out counter, I had racked up over $80 CDN worth of goodies! Oh how good it feels to be so very, very bad! ;-)

I felt like a pack mule on the way home with all that crap in my backpack, but now I've got a very full cupboard, and a very happy tummy. Thank you, Wal-Mart. Thank you for bringing me over to the dark side for a night. I'm free for a second date, *anytime* you please. :-)