You Know You're In Sumatra When...

Well folks, I am quite a bit behind on my blog, and I do apologize for that, but then again, I am in Indonesia, and things are just more than a little different than at home! Here's a little collection of some observations for you to keep you happy until I can do a proper update. Enjoy!

The Top Ten Reasons for...

"You Know You're In Sumatra When..."

10) Whenever you leave your guesthouse to go out for a walk, you have to bring every kind of clothing imaginable with you in your little day pack, cause the weather can literally go from bright beautiful clear blue sunny skies to torrential end-of-the-world-waiting-for-Noah-and-his-ark rains to 'Winnie The Pooh and The Blustery Day' windstorm to sudden temperature drop a-la 'Day After Tomorrow' all in a matter of seven minutes. But, like most days, it stays at a consistent 30 degrees C+ with only a mild 90-99% humidity.

9) The bus you're driving on has to stop and wait cause there's something on the road blocking the way. Hmmmm...what is it? Is it a run-of-the-mill tractor? Nope. A school crossing where little kids are happily skipping across the road? Nope. It's a little shepherd boy crossing the highway not with sheep but with a herd of like 30+ giant rhinoceros-size water buffalo!

8) When you're woken up like a hundred times during the night because the mosque four kilometres up the road is blasting prayer chants all through the night louder than a Motley Crue vs. Megadeth rock concert. The volume of the chanting makes the Glastonbury music festival, or the detonation of an atomic bomb, seem like a quiet whisper in the trees in comparsion. And just when it's stopped for a moment and you think, "Ahhhh yes...now I can get some rest!" Mr. Nocturnal Muslim Man brings his little nephew up to the microphone and lets him chant and stretch his nubile vocal chords for a couple of hours. Oh the fun!

7) When you arrive at a new guesthouse/losmen/hotel/bungalow/cottage and you practically jump for joy and break out into choregraphed dance with your sister cause not only does the place have 24-hour electricity, but it also has hot water and a proper flush toilet (ie: NOT a squat toilet!) Your immediate reply to seeing such marvels all together in one place is (in a thick Irish accent) "Oh my sweet glorious heavens! What have we done to earn such an honour? I think I'll thank me Lucky Charms for this blessing that has been bestowed upon us meek and humble backpackers! Now please allow me to celebrate in a festive jig!" (Jig commences.)

6) When at night you have to gather up each and every piece of your belongings, all your sandy towels and wet t-shirts and drying hiking boots and dirty sandals and bring them inside so that they don't get stolen during the night while you're sleeping. By monkeys. And when this becomes an automatic nightly routine because you've gotten used to the fact that thieves in this place come in the form of greedy, curious, wicked little primates, not by scary masked men.

5) When you go out for a hike in the woods you have to wear long pants tucked into your socks, not because it's the latest in jungle fashion trends or simply because you're worried about getting bit by malaria-ridden mosquitoes (Oh! If *only* it was mere malaria-ridden mosquitoes!) but also because you want to prevent yourself from getting bit/stung/pricked/burned/sucked by giant snakes, deadly spiders, flesh-cutting thorny vines, poisonous millipedes, or hungry blood-sucking leeches.

4) When you're on the same bus ride as the above-mentioned one, and you're battling motion-sickness cause the driver has to swerve while flying down the cliff-side road full of hairpin turns at Mach 4 to avoid squishing the...family of monkeys scampering across the road. Only to round the corner and "EGADS! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!" have to continue the same hyperspeed obstacle course for fear of squishing poor Curious George and family who are trying to enjoy their leisurely afternoon of suntanning on the ashphalt.

3) When you're sitting down for a rest after having hiked through a death-defyingly narrow bat cave and you hear a distinct...humming...in the distance that is quickly nearing. Then you see it coming through the jungle AT YOU. At first you think it's just a rogue miniature toy helicopter gone AWOL...but then it gets closer...and you think it's only a gigantic steroid-pumped hummingbird with a new taste for blood....and then when it's practically on top of you, you discover that it's actually the biggest fucking beetle that you have ever seen in your entire life, inside or outside of a glass case, and it's headed RIGHT FOR YOU! Oh dear god get that monster away from me!!! (Screaming and flailing like a schoolgirl immediately ensures. All sense of inner-masculinity and machismo disappear completely.)

2) When your sister, who appears calm and fearless, but is actually in complete shock, calls you out to look at something on the porch of your little bungalow. Judging by her relatively calm tone (although you can't help but notice that her face has gone white and she has the cold sweats, or it could just be her body reacting badly with the humidity and her 'Strong-Enough-For-Him-but-Ph. Balanced-For-Her deodorant) you think that it must be perhaps a little songbird that has come to perform "A Spoon Full Of Sugar" for the two of us, or that she's managed to *finally* get her hair into that right combination of Katie Holmes pre-Tom Cruise bouncy brunette meets wet and wild conditioned with tree sap, seawater, and tawdry thoughts Brooke Shields in "Return To The Blue Lagoon" look that she's always dreamed of, only to discover that now running away from our porch is a full metre-long IGUANA, not unlike the dinosaurs in "Jurassic Park", and certainly big enough that you could strap a saddle to him and ride him to school. Wow!

1) When you're writing this blog entry, praying that the power doesn't cut out right now, so thankful that you even have internet access even though it's - brace yourself - dial-up, and aren't even fazed by the fact that not only are their CHICKENS a mere two metres away from you, but you're unphased by this fact, and have *almost* gotten used to the idea that all of the above are completely normal and simply every day events here in the wonderful world of Sumatra.

WELCOME TO INDONESIA! :-)