Seeking Angelina

It really was sad to leave the Angkor temples behind, but I feel like I've seen enough for this trip, and I've already promised myself to visit them again one day. Since I enjoyed my last boat trip so much, I decided to go for another marine option here in Cambodia. I caught another boat, this time to the city of Battambang. It was a smaller, slower boat than the last one, but just as scenic as the first ride. And, once again, we were able to sit up on top of the boat to enjoy the passing scenery.

The first part of the journey was literally through a flooded forest. The waters in the lake are so high that only the very tops of the trees were visible above the waters. What a strange, watery world this place is! After travelling across the lake we sailed up a smaller river, and passed many small villages, both floating and land-based. About four or five hours after leaving Siem Reap we arrived in Battambang. On the boat I met a really great girl from France, and so Emilie and I decided to hang out in town.

That night we went out for dinner together, and had quite the cross-town adventure later on. There was this bar listed in The Book called The Riverside Balcony Bar that sounded like a cool place to go for a drink, and so we decided to go and seek it out even though it would involve quite a long walk to get there. Besides having cheap drinks, this bar is famous for its celebrity connection. The Riverside Balcony Bar is, apparently, Angelina Jolie's favourite local hangout.

Now what the hell would Miss Jolie be doing here in Third World Cambodia, you ask? Well supposedly she fell in love with the country while filming 'Tomb Raider' here, and loves Cambodia so much that she visits on a regular basis, is involved in a lot of local charity work, and has even adopted a Cambodian boy. Being such a huge fan of Angelina, I decided that we totally have to go to this bar! I mean, come on, she just might actually be there! There's something about Angelina that I'm just so drawn to...she's got these hypnoticly huge eyes, and those mesmerizing huge lips, and those big, luscious, curving, heaving...ummm....yeah.... ;-)

So our big walk began, but it was dark at this point and a lot of Battambang's streets don't have streetlights. We had the map to guide us, but try as we may, Emilie and I could not find this bar! We walked up and down several streets where it was supposed to be, but the Riverside could not be found. On more than one occasion we stopped a local to ask for directions, and we kept getting pointed in various directions, but when we'd get there, there'd be nothing to be found! Argh! The more we kept getting defeated, the more I was determined to get us there. I mean, at this point I just *knew* that Angelina was there, the life of some giant party in the bar, with tons of beautiful people doing tequila shots off her heavenly mounds, with Brad Pitt in the corner smoking a cigar and laughing it up, and everyone just having a gay old time with Hollywood's newest, sexiest couple. I so most definitely belonged at this party!!

Finally, after what seemed like hours of wandering lost through the streets of Battambang (I think Angelina wants to get her bottom banged...whoa...simmer down Scotty...who you trying to fool? heh heh...) we actually found the place. All locked up and dark. What the hell? Why are all the lights off? Could it be that Angelina was actually hosting an all girls lesbionic pajama party? With plenty of pillow fighting, chasing, and tickling while wearing nothing but the tiniest of tiny bras and pink panties in the dark? It must be true! And yes, of course I'd be allowed in on that kind of fun.

Well I was sadly wrong, on many accounts. We had indeed found the Riverside, but apparently the owners are out of town on vacation! Argh! The rage that rose within me was lethal! How dare the owners let something as frivolous as a *vacation* to stand between me and Angelina and some very much-needed and well-deserved pillow fighting/body shots! Dammit!!!

Emilie and I went back to our hotel for a beer. It was fun, and of course I enjoyed the way-cool Emilie's company, but it just wasn't the same without Angelina teasing my earlobes with her tongue, telling me that "Come on, don't be shy, the three of us can take it slow, and besides, Brad's totally into you!" *sigh* ;-)

The next day Emilie and I had a truly fantastic breakfast, and then went for a motorcyle tour of the local countryside together. We each hopped on the back of a bike and we sped off into the lush, green farmland surrounding Bottombang, err....Battambang. We first came to a famous mountain, where upon climbing up its summit we were rewarded with a truly fantastic view of the pancake-flat jungle sprawling in infinite direction around us. It was a bloody hot day, but we still made the effort to check out the beautiful temple and Buddhist monastery on top.

The top of this mountain is also home to The Killing Cave, where the Khmer Rouge used to drop the bodies of their latest victims into. Some of the prisoners arrived at the cave still alive, and were bludgeoned to death before being dropped into the hole. The cave used to be full of smashed skeletons and pieces of torn, bloody clothing, but all the skeletons have been gathered up and placed in a large box for viewing. Another sombre reminder of Cambodia's bloody history.

After the mountain we went to go and check out some of the local wildlife. To get there we had to take this really primitive ferry where you have to pull the raft across on a rope to get across the river. Really cool! We then were introduced to The Bats, which are a local colony of the biggest freaking bats that I have ever seen in my life. They're fruit bats, and they spend their afternoons hanging out in these trees, fanning themselves in the heat. Seriously they're really, really big ass bats! Their wing span is probably at least two feet across, and their soft furry bodies look little foxes or dogs or something. Almost cute, if it wasn't for the fact that they're big enough to carry away a baby! Luckily they eat only fruit, so they're totally harmless.

After the bats we went for a ride on The Bamboo Train. The Bamboo Train is a little rail car made of - you guessed it - bamboo, that the locals use to cruise up and down the one rail track that runs through this part of the country. Actual trains only use this line like once a week, so the locals are free to run themselves up and down all day long on these precarious bamboo 'rail rafts'. It was a fun ride, but quite scary as well, as the tracks have big gaps inbetween the rails, which makes for a very bumpy, JOLTY, ride! Emilie and I had a lot of laughs on the Bamboo Train.

Later we went back into town to go and have some dinner together, and then have another drink before heading to bed pretty early. We're both leaving town tomorrow AM. She's off to Phnom Penh, and I'm on my way to Thailand again, where a special surprise guest is soon to be meeting me in Bangkok. Battambang's been a blast, even without some personal quality time with Angelina and her...finer assets... Alas, there's always next time, isn't there? ;-)