Beaches: The Best Of The Best

Wow. The holidays have come and gone, we're already more than a week into January, and I've still yet to wrap up my trip tale escapades. Yikes! An extra spanking for Bad Scotty for falling behind on his blog. Well, here it is, as promised, the inside scoop on the beaches of Southeast Asia. A definite must read for anyone who loves sun, sand and surf as much as yours truly. Dig in! ;-)

Arranged in ascending order,based on overall quality, from #9 to #1, here they are:

#9: Nha Trang, Vietnam

Vietnam's numero uno beach resort is a scenic enough place, but has a long way to go if it ever wants to become a true superstar among the beach pack. Pleasant enough to stop for a day or two, but don't plan your trip around it. Bringing your friends to create your own fun atmosphere would help to liven things up as well.

Pros:

• beautiful scenery with magnificent hills across the bay to gaze upon
• coarse but clean sand
• The Sailing Club - a hot spot to hang out and read/suntan/sip the day away avec your fave book, Mr. Golden Sun, and the requisite (although over-priced) pina colada or strawberry dacquiri

Cons:

• aggressive and invasive beach vendors
• rough waters make it a bit scary for swimming
• overall seedy atmosphere - watch out for those aggressive crotch-grabbing pick-pocketing ladyboy prostitutes near the beach at night!

#8: Ko Phi Phi, Thailand

Ranked as the third most beautiful island in the world, this used to be beach nirvana on Earth...until 2004's tsunami nearly permanently wiped this place off the map. The scenery's still there, but give this island a few more years to recover before spending your hard-earned tourist dollars here as the current growing pains are spoiling the fun.

Pros:

• heart-stopping scenery, a la Leonardo Dicaprio in The Beach
• amazing opportunities for scuba diving and snorkelling
• a late-night party scene that almost guarantees you to get laid

Cons:

• ridiculously over-priced accommodation, at least in the high seasons when prices soar to ten times or more for what you'll find on other islands
• lack of choices for places to stay - more than two thirds of the island's hotels were lost and have yet to be rebuilt making things a little competitive when finding a room
• the crowds - word has definitely gotten out that tourists can again visit this paradise, and now it seems like everybody and their dog are being shuttled in like cattle to this little spec in the sea

#7: Ko Lanta, Thailand

A good alternative to over-priced/over-crowded Ko Phi Phi, Ko Lanta is almost too quiet and peaceful, and the island's main beaches leave something to be desired.

Pros:

• a wide choice of inexpensive, high-quality accommodation
• a good jumping base for some spectacular snorkelling and island-hopping in the Andaman Sea
• a few good, if scattered and isolated, bars to toss back a few brewskies, as well as some choice restaurants to chow down at

Cons:

• a bit too lonely and quiet, if you're looking to keep active and social - Robinson Crusoe saw more passerby on his island
• beach sand is mixed with coral - not the best for suntanning or running to catch that frisbee - ouch!
• the shallow waters are full of rocks - difficult to enjoy that much-needed swim

#6: Mui Ne, Vietnam

Now here's a little gem that's just waiting to be discovered by the masses. Not ready for the big leagues, but certainly the best place to stop and relax on some sand on the South China Sea.

Pros:

• a long, curving arc of gorgeous sand
• good, cheap accommodation, almost all of which is mere steps from the beach - as well as some excellent seafood restaurants
• some great daytrips abound in this area - make sure you check out the Saharaish sand dunes

Cons:

• the bay is very windy and the waters can be a bit rough for swimming (although those winds are a plus if you're into windsurfing or kite-boarding)
• no bars or happenin' spots for when you just need to do a few rounds of tequila body shots
• prepare to do a lot of walking up and down the long, too-stretched out 'main drag' in search of a place to eat

#5: Ko Samui, Thailand

A world-famous international hot-spot for beaches and partying. Too bad the airport and ferries don't screen the heaps of Tourist Trash that swarm this place nearly year-round.

Pros:

• some of the softest, whitest sand you'll find anywhere on the planet
• like water sports? you can literally do anything that is water-based here - ranging from jetskiing to snorkel trips to sunset dinner cruises
• a wide variety of restaurants and bars to suit all tastebuds and budgets

Cons:

• the abundance of tourists here means it can be hard to find the cheap digs during high season, forcing you to say in some pricier hotels
• too bad the built environment doesn't at all reflect the island's natural beauty - a makeover is desperately needed to clean up the grimy, dingy main drag
• hordes upon hordes of drunken white trash idiots who suddenly think they're hot shit and too-cool-for-school global travellers just because they can afford a 9-day package holiday away from their normally boring and simple lives in their trailer parks back in Mobile, Alabama or dingy flats in London's outer rim suburbia

#4: Kuta Beach, Bali

Okay it's nearly impossible to pick between Kuta and the Gilis at #3 cause they're both so damn awesome, but if I had to choose I'd put Kuta down a notch, as the crass commercialism does tend to distract from the island's many bounties.

Pros:

• a huge long gorgeous beach, with big bad waves perfect for surfing and boogie-boarding
• more eye candy than you can shake your nasties at - like what is this place? The 24/365 real-life version of Temptation Island?
• shitloads of delicious restaurants and shopping opps, plus the best nightlife in the tropics - you'll stuff your face, shop up a storm, and then dance your ass off til the sun comes up

Cons:

• this places oozes commercialism out of every orifice - more than a little distracting and disturbing
• the most aggressive sales people on the face of the planet - bring your fazer cause they really won't take "For the 17th time, I said NO! you fucker!" for an answer
• if you thought the trashy loud abrasive drunken frat boy crowds of Ko Samui were bad, wait til you meet their Aussie counterparts here in Bali - they're loud 'n proud, and have brought their 20 closest friends to see who can crush more cans of Bintang beer on their foreheads. (Ouch!)

#3: Gili Trawangan, Indonesia

A gorgeous spit of sand and coral inspiring enough to wish you were shipwrecked here. Too bad you have to sell your soul to get a fair-priced smooth journey to get here.

Pros:

• the clearest turquoise waters you've ever seen, and some of the world's best reefs for snorkelling and scuba diving - you'll swear you're in a dream
• cheap, but basic, bungalows to be had for everyone
• plenty of things to do when the sun goes down, from dining on today's fresh catch of the day, to lounging on a pile of pillows while watching the big screen, to having a few too many beers and cocktails at the Irish Pub

Cons:

• prepare to be ripped off (and you will) multiple times on your long bus-boat-bus-boat journey to get there - definitely physically exhausting and emotionally draining
• no fresh water showers here - hope you don't mind being more than a little salty for a few days
• beautiful white sand beach - just watch out for the invasive ants that emerge daily from the sands around 3pm

#2: Railay Beach, Thailand

This place is sheer heaven on Earth. Consider a one-way ticket to this perfect piece of paradise - or at least as long of a stay as you can afford.

Pros:

• gentle emerald waters sheltered in calm coves by soaring limestone cliffs - this combined with some arousingly gorgeous white sands makes for a pretty awe-inspiring place to park your sunburned ass for a while
• outdoor recreation opportunities abound - besides the expected water sports, you're also in the world's fourth best place for rock-climbing!
• lots of places to stuff your face with yummy Thai food, and then get stupid drunk at night - and all of this within easy walking distance of...well, everything!

Cons:

• expensive accommodation during high season - a bit of a hunt is sometimes required to find something within the range of your meager backpacker budget
• the beach's main bar - The Last Bar - is a fun place, but hosts tacky shows you'll be embarrassed to watch and plays literally the exact same songs every night. Drink enough so you don't notice
• you'll proably end up marrying a local, just so you can stay longer and not go home!

And, here we are, finally, at #1: Boracay, Philippines

Boracay has been voted, numerous times, as the World's Perfect Tropical Island. I couldn't agree more. Seeing truly is believing, so you'll have to come and check it out for yourself if you don't want to take my word for it.

Pros:

• A beach so perfect you'll cry with joy every single day. Lazy hammocks between swaying palms, gentle breezes blowing off the turquoise bathwater-warm sea, a long, wide beach so white you'll swear it's snow. Oh baby!
• the widest selection of restaurants and bars you could ask for - whatever you're in the mood for, whether that's a french crepe, strawberry-mango shake, thin-crust pizza, banana mudslides, or Inidan currie to die for, it really is all here
• you'll never ever be bored of here - day trips for island-hopping, thumping night clubs, local markets for shopping....but that's just if you can bear to pry yourself away form that beach!

Cons:

• comparatively expensive accomodation, especially when you're used to Thailand or Indonesia's rock-bottom prices
• rooms book up fast during the peak season - don't just show up unannounced or you'll be left sleeping on that sand
• bruises on all of your appendages - cause you'll constantly be pinching yourself to check and see if you're lost in a dream! ;-)

So there ya go! I can only tell you about the places I've been to myself, so I'm sure there's plenty of other island getaways that deserve a ranking on my list. But, from what I have seen, oh baby, it only makes me want some more. Oh Mr. Beach, oh how I love thee...let me count the ways... ;-)